We
are counting down the day to Idul Fitri. This will be second Idul
Fitri I will not going home. Because I want my parents live happily
ever after without me beside them. This is a very big choice that I
ever made in my life.
I
have a big sister, who always jealous to me from the day I was born.
She has this sibling rivalry. She does bad things to me and my
brothers and my sister. Always bad. Because she doesn't want us to be
her siblings. She always try to hurt me and my other siblings.
When
I was a kid, I am dreaming about becoming a big girl. Go to big city.
Far away from her. But today, I know, when I want to be free from
her, I have to let go my family. Because she live with my parents. My
body have alot of bruises, knife cut, and some other thing. But most
of all, she hurts my feeling. My human feeling. From all that terors,
I become me, myself, and I. I got some disorder. First
Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I start counting everything
around me for so many times. And then I got DID (Dissociative
Identity Disorder) too.
But
thanks God, my OCD is gone now. I try alot of things to cure my OCD.
So I did it! But my DID still inside me. Sometime I didn't know what
happen to myself. I didn't recognize what inside me. That's why I
don't want to be too close to another person in real life. They will
find out how different me, myself, and I when some strong things
happen.
I
always believe that family stick together till the end. But when big
fight happen between me and my big sister, she took everything from
me. She don't want me to be with my mom and my dad anymore. Actually
this is the second hurtest feeling I've got in mylife. They still
alive but I can't be with them if I want them to be safe. Because my
big sister will do every bad thing to make sure that I am not coming
home to see my family.
I
know when first day in Syawal, I will cry alot. I cry because I can't
stick with my family in that day. That big day. I can't kiss my
parent's hands and say 'sorry' for everything I did. For everyone who
read this but still stick with their family just be thankful. Family
is somewhere you come from and go home with.
Family
is your home. And I think I am a homeless.